Sorry for the lack of news and posts for quite a while. Long story short I had a “wobble”.
My work has been somewhat overwhelming over the previous months and all of a sudden, it was too much. I have had mental health issues in the past, suffering from depression for a few years (roughly 2003 to 2007). So I should have recognised the signs when I wasn’t sleeping well and basically couldn’t stop thinking about work. If I’m honest I was using this project as a distraction from work but in a sense masked the fact I couldn’t stop. So I was waking up and actually working in the night and then if lucky getting a couple more hours of sleep in before the family woke for the day normally. My moods started swinging and things that I would let go over my head at work started really upsetting me. I don’t mean I was crying, I was furious hahah. I can laugh now about it and should in my opinion. Things can often upset and cause you stress. But the things you need to really be physically stressed about are few and far between. Maybe I’ll post about that another time but of course when you are suffering your mental state isn’t so rational.
Then Mental Health Awareness week happened and totally contradictory, this actually tipped me over the edge.
Clearly I was already at a low point and too hear endlessly about mental health did two things.
While everyone was talking about mental health awareness it was clear no one could identify issues they were raising. Or at the very least it came across like a tick box. We talk about mental health, therefore we’re doing something about it. Regardless that one of our colleagues is emailing and messaging us work in the middle of the night, we are doing something about stress in the workplace by posting about it in our comms channels. For me, even though I understood and even tried to support the awareness activities it actually just hurt me every time I did.
Talking (or at least posting) about mental health awareness brought up a lot of bad memories for me. And thinking and feeling as I did back in 2006/7 had me close to breaking point.
I was pretty professional about the whole thing, considering how much I was suffering. I took immediate steps to tell people clearly how I was. I left a lot of IM communication channels and meetings that were causing me stress. I did contact our private health provider and asked for a referral, which I got but over a month late still no appointment (worse service ever haha). I’m being stricter with myself and not working all the hours in the day any more. Of course there is more but I’m pleased to say I’m in good place again 😊
I didn’t stop completely with Caz and Dec but started writing some other stories while waiting for the cover artwork. The illustrations for the cover are fantastic and I will use them for sticker art which is exciting. But I knew I would have to change the cover partially. And of course with that design job and the need to compile the comic artwork it was a lot of work that I would have to do in my spare time. So when I did, I made sure not to push it too hard and ensure I looked after my poor, broken brain in check as well.
Here is the update about the comic though – it’s finished!
More about this in the next blog post but for now, I’m back and with my friends Caz and Dec alongside me too 😊
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